When my daughter was in junior high the boy behind her in school was pulling at the back of her bra. I had taught her to stand up for herself. She yelled, in a loud voice, "Get your hands off my bra! There was absolute silence for about 15 seconds. Then the teacher told the boy to go to the office...NOW! And she squatted down next to my daughter and told her she did the exact right thing. I was proud of both the teacher and my daughter.
In high school a boy tried to kiss me and i panicked. My parents made me practice yelling "Get your HANDS OFF ME!" I was so embarrassed. When i went to college, they taught me some street fighting moves my dad learned in the war. Where to hit, how to stomp, etc. Fortunately i never have had to use it, but it's there
How terrible that we live in a country so steeped in violence and predation that we have to teach our children martial arts to survive. But we do have to.
That’s pretty sick, Rick. You get off on rape stories?
Here’s one: An American congressman told the world and the entire press corps that the president of the united states raped and threatened a child - and it’s a true story - and Trump hasn’t denied it - and Trump isn’t suing him , not taking him to court where he can prove it’s a lie.
Nonsense it’s world wide and children are sexually abused in every kind of setting rich and poor. Just try googling child abuse statistics for wherever you live.
The right wing has a statistically higher incidence of violence than anyone else. No one but a Republican would make that statement without doing the research. Because facts make you too woke.
You're a rapist, Rick. Whether you're actually committed the act or not, it's in you, and you know it, and I know it. You're nothing but a sack of misplaced anger and deeply suppressed shameful sexual impulses, and you have to displace those feelings onto others -- Democrats, ugly women, etc. -- or they would drive you mad. Pitiful.
HUH?!? Rick, where’s your source (I don’t mean your ignorant mindset)? this is the stupidest, broad-brush comment I’ve heard in a while. Why don’t you go back to Truth Social where comments such as yours belong.
Whataboutism : All rape is evil. It’s sick how few care about women or children being raped by men or women, instead they minimize it, try to justify it, and blame the victims. But regardless of gender, rape and pedophilia is evil.
You were a MS/HS teacher? You must be kidding. I certainly hope you're no longer teaching. Must be why you're now peddling "educational" materials, likely way overpriced or just trying to con people like your hero.
The data completely refutes the idea that sexual assault is a partisan issue. If you look at the American Statistical Association's national tracking, the single highest relative risk hotspot for reported rape in the entire country was found in a rural, 70%+ Republican jurisdiction (Marion County, TX) at nearly 20 times the national average.
Furthermore, at the state level, the two states that consistently trend at the top of the country for per-capita sexual assault rates are Alaska and South Dakota—both solidly Republican strongholds. Sexual violence is driven by geographic isolation, poverty, and law enforcement resource deficits, which exist independently of any county or state voting lines.
Interesting read but says nothing about your polnt, how politics is part of this, or the premisee of the article on what predictors look for in a victim.
How do you explain the accusations against Trump for molesting women then? What an idiotic thing to say. So stupid and ridiculous it’s almost funny. It’s people like you who are the problem with your country and indeed the rest of the world.
Kahala, I get what you mean. Unfortunately that violence is everywhere. After being to some foreign lands and since it is everywhere, I’m glad we are in a place where our girls can fight back. There is that to consider. I guess the old adage that we can't control others but we can control our actions to them rings true on this.
Some times they only understand an elbow to the throat.
Maybe I’ve been lucky I’ve never been in a violent relationship, nor have I lived anywhere known to be very unsafe. And Australia has gun laws. Pedophilia and rape occur constantly however and make me very angry but I don’t have a personal PTSD fight flight freeze response so I can usually appraise a situation.
Four scenarios .I have longish blonde hair. A magnet in some countries.
Florence climbing up the spiral staircase in the cathedral. I am 21. An Italian guy comes up and pinches me. I turn round and tell him loudly in both English and my limited Italian. Don’t touch me! Get away! I turn around he pinches me again. I turn round and shove him down the stairs and shout, I told you, get away! He falls down a dozen stairs, hits the wall looking aggrieved and surprised. I walk on up the stairs onto a crowded platform.
Point: They have to believe you mean it!
Scenario two: In my 20s, 30s, 40s 50s and even 60s walking past construction sites. Wolf whistles. (They didn’t see I am no longer young!)
I get past them then turn around and face them. Thanks guys, I’ll take that as a compliment, but you need to know it’s not OK. Go home and tell your wife or girl friend, or your auntie she looks great today. That’s a real compliment. And for the rest it isn’t needed. Usually I got sorry mam, or some times jeez, just having fun, to which I said, yeah, fun for you maybe, but not the woman. It’s actually harassment
Then I’d de escalate and wave and walk on.
Point: these ordinary guys need education reinforced in situ.
Scenario 3 in India part of a group but not standing next to anyone. An Indian man sidles up. Don’t I know you from somewhere? I look at him coolly. I say, Maybe, but I haven’t been here for 600 years. He scurries off. I rejoin the group.
Point: derision sometimes works
Scenario: 4 In my seventies walking home at dusk 3km from home. I’m going to have to walk on the road rather than a bush trail. A pleasant looking older man towing a boat probably from its berth, drives up, and offers me a lift. I wish I could take him up on the offer but I say no, I thank him and explain I live very close (not strictly true) and say also, actually unfortunately, I don’t think it is safe for any woman to accept a lift from an unknown man. He smiles and says, No worries, have a good night.
Point: unfortunately, genuinely friendly, helpful guys, as I suspect he was, also have to be screened out.
And yes, teach children very young, (like three) my body belongs to me, tell a grown up if anyone touches you in a way they shouldn’t, not to walk alone (unfortunately), learn self defence skills or preferably a martial art and carry that piercing whistle nana gave you.
Attacked yes. I don’t think I’ve heard of older men, deaf or otherwise, being sexually assaulted but it could happen. I think the writer was trying to point out that women, particularly, are always at risk to some degree throughout their lives.
Not everyone can do these things. You obviously know that because you have written a dissertation on the topic. You shouldn’t need to do that and women shouldn’t have to live in a world of heightened alert. The behavioral change needs to come from the men. (I actually did some research on Australia for personal reasons and discovered what a high rate of abuse you women have to deal with.) I wasn’t criticizing your words, just hit “post” accidentally before my point was complete.
I just think everyone deserves to live without this asinine behavior (theirs, not ours). It sucks so much joy out of our lives to have to be constantly on high alert. Thé level of danger varies by community, but it’s the responsibility of everyone, especially the people who laugh at sexist jokes, encouraging the disrespect for women, to ward off the violence. There is a heavy load of violence in words, too.
I disagree. The behavior changes need to come from women AND men. Because men screen other men for being good targets or prey, even in their friend group. They push and see who pushes back (physically and verbally). Women need to display the same signals as men, that they are NOT worth pushing. Women signaling to women "don't mess with me" is read differently. Men signaling to men - likewise.
Men and women are different, but I do not want to dominate and control all males, just because females have the disadvantage on average for physical strength and less testosterone pushing us to compete for our territory and access to that territory's opposite sex. That would be immoral. The game of survival may be rigged in "their" favor, but we learn to play it better.
That's a perspective I think is missing, so I'm sharing. That's all.
97% of violent crimes are committed by men. Same with stalkers. Women die from domestic abuse far more often than men do and men get softer sentences from the (mostly male) judges. When we get mad at you we insult you. When you get mad at us you kill us. When we ask you to do better we you insist on sharing the responsibility. The one time we get to be equal.
I do insist we women share the social responsibility for our own survival. Do your part to defend yourself by understanding why you are targeted. Refusing to understand and take action, because it “isn’t fair” that I have to, is a privileged child’s game.
It took me a LONG time to learn to “Defend” myself against women. They were not violent, so I felt dishonorable cutting them down with words. Like men, I believed that if I was physically stronger than another woman, it was wrong of me to hit them when they deserved it - and it was dishonest of me to attack who they were as people with gossip or humiliation.
So the savvy female bullies found me an easy target. Because there was no “consequences” in “Girl world”, for destroying me. Ah, the art of destroying someone without lifting a finger….
I share this in hopes of conveying a different perspective that may help you, too. I point out the IMPERATIVE of women learning how to convey strength in an aggressive world (that among men, is more straightforward), to EMPOWER you. The flip side of responsibility is power.
I in NO WAY give men a free pass for what they do with their assertiveness and sex drive. I also however, know their tendency to destroy is human, shared by both male and female, and does not stem from their desire for women nor from their masculine muscles. We are not “Capitulating” to violent men; we are learning how to deter effectively, because men and women pick targets differently.
I just think living with courtesy and respect for others and saying no and meaning it might assist quite a bit. Hormones are not an excuse for violence, including things that are minimised like the stepfather touching a young girls breasts, “accidentally,” the boss patting a woman’s buttocks as he passes, even the too casual use of sugar, baby, honey pie to associates. All demeaning. We have to get past the “boys will be boys,” and “did you see how she was dressed though” attitudes too. Those attitudes and behaviours need to be challenged by both men and women whenever we hear or see them, pleasantly and firmly.
Yes, exactly. Women should not have to live on alert all the time just to move through the world.
I think the article is powerful because it talks about what women may need to do in the moment, but the bigger change has to come from men and from the people around them who excuse the smaller things.
The jokes, the comments, the “just having fun” moments all matter. They teach people what is allowed.
Women should not have to lose so much ease and joy just to stay safe.
Thank you for sharing this. What stands out to me is how much girls and women are expected to learn how to read danger.
Is this harmless? Is this unsafe? Can I speak up? Should I walk away? Will he react?
That is a lot to carry.
I really agree with teaching children early that their body belongs to them. They should grow up knowing they are allowed to say no, loudly, without feeling like they are being rude.
I she but we have dinner other people to educate. A friend gorgeous biracial child at a university day care fascinated a classmate who wouldn't stop touching her hair. She asked him not to, she told him not to. Then she decked him. The reaction of three teacher and scool was to suspend her for a week and tell her parents she had an "anger problem" and needed counseling! Luckily her parents had different ideas and told them so in front of their daughter. I expect she's done just fine!
I think a lot of prevention efforts focus on what happens after the fact. Serious violence or abuse happens, and then everyone starts asking questions about what went wrong or how behaviour can be changed.
But these smaller moments are exactly where we should be looking too.
What behaviour gets punished? What behaviour gets tolerated?
Especially at school, when children are still learning the norms and rules around how to treat each other with respect.
I feel service should be universally mandatory, & that everyone who can serve, should serve, with this caveat: in some way. Almost everyone, whether disabled or objectors, can still serve in some capacity, & acquire skills in the process. Besides military, people can serve in parks, schools, offices, & young people will learn in the process. My father was in the Civilian Conservation Corps, a federal program during the Great Depression that hired young unemployed men to build many of the park facilities we enjoy today. Almost everyone can serve somehow.
I had a boy do the same thing to me in JH and my bra actually unsnapped! I was so humiliated! I got permission to go to the restroom to fix it. I didn't say a word, I wish I'd been as brave as your daughter! The boy ended up quitting school later, so that tells you what kind of person he was, and probably still is.
Unfortunately yes…probably still is. I was molested by a teacher at 13. Told “I” would get in trouble if I told anyone. Power wrongfully used is still power wrongfully used.
I’m sorry you lived through that. Zihna. In New Zealand since the eighties you could have had free counselling following such abuse, and assistance to report your experiences to school authorities and the police. Since mandatory reporting of child abuse came in a decade later the perpetrator would have had police investigating as soon as a professional knew about it. Trouble for them not you.
This was 50 years ago. There was no protection for children back then. It was their word against ours. He was well respected and had tenure. It really messed me up for long time, though.
Perhaps, repairing your bra strap was the “greater wisdom” at the time. If the boys found out what they did their harassment could have “escalated” into a more dangerous “confrontation.” It is never “wise” to “second guess” your actions rather to resolve yourself to a more “appropriate” tactic in the future.
I think it might have been better to call it out, and be known by some of boys at least as “that little bitch” and be avoided. That kind of behaviour is normalised by the girl simply fixing her bra strap, unless of course the school culture is dangerous for instance being at risk of being set upon after school.
I am a 68 yo chubby female. I have been told that I don't look 68. Still have auburn hair and a few wrinkles. The point I want to make is that looks, clothes, wealth have nothing to do with this topic. A 30 yo man in my apartment complex that I had said hello to a few times ask me one day if he could help with the groceries I was carrying. I said yes. When we got to my door, I unlocked it, opened it, set my packages down and turned to take the package that he was carrying. We were in the hallway not in my apartment. Instead of handing it to me, he pushed me into my apartment and grabbed me and started kissing me full on the lips with an open mouth. I immediately pushed him back into the hallway and told him to stay away from me. I saw him later in the day while I was walking my dogs. His first comment was to ask me how the kiss made me feel. All I could say was “violated” and I put my dogs between us and went the other way. Gross.
I love this. She said exactly what was happening, clearly and loudly, and the teacher backed her up.
That part matters so much. Girls need to learn that speaking up is not “making a scene.” Sometimes it is simply telling the truth out loud. We need more of these people.
I used to mobilize my female students to do exactly that. I said they depend on your silence. They depend on your embarrassment and humiliation. Take the power back. Similar situation arose with a boys by asking a female student if she was cold while staring at her nipples. I said, if he ever does that again ask loudly why he is talking about your nipples in class. Say it multiple times and point. These werent unsafe situations. This wasnt even a boy who was dangerous except in terms of the sexist power dynamic he was playing at.
I am old. I no longer get cat-calls. However I am small in stature with white hair. When I walk I do so like I own the place, head up, long deliberate strides, very aware of my surroundings. I had a panhandler say some nasty things to me after refusing to give him money and I wheeled around on him and read him the riot act. He apologized and blessed me. Don’t act like a victim and you are less likely to be victimized. This is the crux of your essay and I believe it is reality. Thank you for this. You might save some women. 💪
After 17 yrs in the army and 35 in the operating room I have a mouth on me that scares the bejesus outta the worst of men. I’m 127# and they don’t expect it don’t see it coming. Knocked some fucker out at the Topsfield fair bc he was abusing an animal ( llama ) by trying to pour beer down his throat. He didn’t see my punch coming and was out cold for About 15 min. When he started to get up on his hands and knees I kicked him in the ass that sent him sprawling. He crawled out of that children’s petting tent on hands and feet. Always remember to move fast and throw the first punch. Now I’m an ordained priest in the episcopal church but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Get the first lick in and you’ll be fine
Thank you all! It happened so quickly everyone in that petting zoo tent was shocked, as was I. A 127# young woman 5’3” threw a punch that would have knocked out Mike Tyson. Animal and child abuse all in one tent.
I don’t know? Just did what any woman should do when they see jerks abusing animals. Sometimes it’s hard to speak up I know. But my reaction way pure instinct. I didn’t think about it first I just reacted with my body! Some of us can and some of us can’t.
I agree! Mine was pure instinct ! No time to think and assess. No win or lose thinking. You’ll lose every fight if you think in those terms. Risk takes courage
Robin true…unfortunately for me my instinct blocked this outta my mind and I just reacted to this poor animal being assaulted. Don’t know if I’d do it again in my “right” mind😊😊😊😊😊
I mean, i’m reslly glad that you’re ok and that you could respond as the situation warranted. I just think we need to be really careful not to further cause harm to those who don’t have that instinct. I have always walked very purposefully. I’m 72 and single and strongly suspect this is one reason why i’m single “oh she looks like dont messwith her” and i’m just fine with that.
Early in my AF career a fellow officer snuck up behind me and grabbed me around the waist. Slammed an elbow into his solar plexus and dropped him. Never looked back. Just kept walking. I taught them fear.
Gee this is something that happened when I was a kid at 24 yrs old. Now I’m old and grey but I’d still do it all over again. Just like I did with that roundhouse swing to the mouth. It’s as fresh in my mind as back then. The two things that push me to fighting mad are child abuse and animal abuse. I didn’t think anyone cared about old stories. Thank you all for your responses - not one putdown it really made my day❤️😊
I'm 85 yrs young but my stories involved 2 auto incidents, when I lived and drove a BMW in Seattle about 20, 25 years ago. The first time a driver cut me off from my left to enter a store's parking lot. So I followed the guy as he parked, got out, loudly criticized his bad driving and ended with, “What would your mother think?!“ He was speechless.
Next incident I was driving home in the right lane when a stopped car in the left lane suddenly pulled out in front of me. To avoid hitting the car, I yanked my steering wheel to the right, slammed on both the brakes and clutch to prevent crashing into a fire hydrant.
Caught my breath and went after the car, followed it to a nearby parking lot where it stopped and I got out in a shaking fury. Two guys heard my riot act, the driver kept quiet, the other offered me $20 which I refused.
I haven't had a car in 10 years, but was a great driver when I did. Not taking any guff from idiot male drivers felt good since they often denigrate women drivers.
The panhandlers. Sometimes they have weapons like knives. I avoid talking , say no thank you when they ask for $$, and just keep walking but i like your approach.
Thank you, T.S. I will heed your advice. This happened right in front of a store with lots of light, with other people around. In a parking lot alone I might have behaved differently.
Several years ago I had a man that seemed to show up when I was dog walking for a client. Really odd times. I ignored him.
One night it was getting dark. I had changed my route. There he was at a stop sign he saw me and turned around as if waiting. There was no reason to and walk towards me. I took my time hoping he would keep walking the other way. Instead he pretended the dog was leading him towards me. The dog I was walking was reactive. I was pissed. What the bleep are you doing?? I yelled at him. Can't you see my dog is upset! I was fuming. His eyes looked dead.
He mutterd I'm sorry and walked the other way
Heart was pounding shaking. I saw this man the next day online photo with his dog as a most wanted criminal in my area. They both matched description.
I called the police and reported. It was probably him they said.
I was thinking he could've killed me for yelling at him. I was so angry though. Maybe this saved me I don't know.
I think this is the key.. a timid, compliant person is predictable and therefore can be anticipated and controlled. So those that are trying to run a lopsided power dynamic on someone, need to have the other party be timid and predictable. If a woman goes unpredictable right off the bat, it causes them to drop their plan.
Years ago I had someone cut me off at 5am on my way to work. I honked at him and gave him the finger. The stupid bastard followed me to the convenience store I stopped at every morning on my way to work. I should explain that I am NEVER in a great mood at 5 in the morning and I do not put up with shit from anyone. This idiot followed me into the store and started screaming at me, telling me I was in the wrong and then he called me a “fucking stupid bitch”. That did it. I looked him dead in the eye and told him in the deepest voice I could muster but quietly, that if he didn’t leave immediately he WOULD BE LEAVING IN AN AMBULANCE! I obviously scared the crap out of him and he left in a hurry. Then suddenly one of the men I worked with appeared from behind a row of shelving and said “Jesus Christ Alexis, please don’t EVER turn that on me!”
I just looked at him and said “don’t give me a reason too”. I learned a long time go that when I got angry at men and let them know it in no uncertain terms they got scared!
And just for fun since he was driving a corporate vehicle where he should not have been anywhere near where he was, and considering the time of day it was obvious that he’d just been entertaining a Prostitute, so I called his boss, told him the story. Later that day I got a call from the owner telling me than not only had he been fired but he was now also up on charges of stealing a company vehicle since he apparently had no right to have it except during working hours.
Two major events besides the obvious: That follow up worked out so well - you protected yourself and your sisters for keeping the streets safe , at least for a while. And the second thing was your response to your coworker who was using humor to minimize your fright and your power and to hide his shame at not coming to your aid. Brava!
Thank you for spelling this out so clearly Maria! I'm 67 now and live in a very high crime area with lots of people who are homeless and on drugs. I'm not scared. I walk the neighborhood like I own the place. I pay attention. If someone is psychotic, I cross the street. Otherwise, don't mess with me is my attitude and I've never been attacked. (I don't go out when it's dark) I also treat everyone with kindness.
I’m nearly 75. I learned this in Aikido in my mid twenties. Acting unhinged is incredibly effective. Also, the willingness to gouge someone’s eyes out also needs to be programmed. Most women would be squeamish about doing such a thing, don’t be. I used psychocybernuetics, a very useful programming tool. Acting confidently also works. In Berkeley, many decades ago, a young crazy looking young man approached me as I was getting out of the car. He was holding a very large wrench and his hand and hair were bloodied. When you’re left with zero choices, always choose complete confidence. I rose up as tall as I could, all 5’4”, squared off looking him straight in the eye, no terror, no fear, complete confidence, he dropped the wrench, turned around and walked off. I was shocked, but it worked. I would have fought him with every breath I had.
My go-to old school weapon … a roll of quarters in a stocking - makes a killer bolo & gives you distance. Easy to carry in the bottom of even the smallest purses & totally legal. It’s just $10.
My great-uncle was a caboose man on the train back in the 1930's. He carried a blackjack for hobos - would knock them unconscious and roll them out the side of the boxcars. While I'm uncomfortable with his methods, I always remembered what he told me - a sharp blow at the base of the skull knocks them unconscious immediately without killing them. Of course you have to get behind them to do this with a blackjack, but a bolo might find its mark.
With a stocking bolo, you don’t have to be that accurate. A couple twirls, let it rip in the general direction, it’s invisible, anywhere it makes contact makes a real impact.
I’m glad this is being discussed more. Thank you. When I worked with sex offenders many years ago, many of the adult male offenders said exactly that. They chose victims who were distracted and those who had bad posture. They even described them as prey. It was disgusting.
I can verify that these things are true. I was told when I was a young woman to walk tall and make deliberate eye contact with men. If I passed by a group of men I would stand tall and give them a hard stare. That has worked throughout my life. I abhor bullies and if I see someone getting bullied I become enraged and scream at the bully/bullies to knock it off. Not one time have any of those men retaliated. They just stop and look at me like I might have rabies lol. All predators look for the weakest prey to reduce the risk for themselves.
As someone who has taught violence prevention & empowerment self-defense classes for over 20 years, I see it a bit more nuanced. It isn't necessarily rage that is needed; in fact, rage may shut down the thinking part of your brain so that you can't sort through options. This shutdown (mind goes blank--surely you have experienced this at one point in your life?) is a natural neurobiological response to intense feelings-fear, anger, stress, etc., and is a result of the amygdala, pre-frontal cortex, and Broca's area (speech area of the brain) going off line.
In addition, the freeze response, which occurs 70% of the time in sexual assault situations, is an evolutionary 'legacy response' that once served us well. Now, not so much--at least not all the time.
BUT having skills—both verbal and physical—that can override the natural "freeze response" or "rage" response is extremely helpful when you need to defend yourself. Practicing these skills so that they are "in the ready" is recommended, and research supports their efficacy in both deterring an attack and improving psychological well-being should an attack occur--all with no greater risk of injury to you. Furthermore, these skills have been shown to help people feel more confident in a variety of situations — not just in violence prevention scenarios.
So, what really deters an attack? Learning and practicing strong verbal and physical boundaries. What we know for sure is that predators don't want to get hurt or caught. Strong verbal and physical boundaries on the part of a potential "victim" increase the odds that one or both of those things might happen to the attacker. So they leave.
The crazy eyes work even better if you tilt your head back slightly so the sclera shows ABOVE the iris. Try it in the mirror; it looks absolutely psycho.
I was an RA at the University of Georgia many years ago. We arrived at the dorms for training a week before our presidents would arrive and so I was alone on my basement floor. I took a shower—community bathrooms then—and when I turned and drew aside the shower curtain a skanky looking young man was standing there. “get the F**K out of my shower!” He turned and ran. It was the beginning of this young man peeping into girls showers. When the police finally caught him, he told them that he was upset because one girl swore at him and he’d never heard a girl use that kind of language before. Did I mention that I’m originally from New York?
Very insightful! This may be why people don't bother me. I refer to my angry self as my "NY bitch twin." No one likes her, so I keep her in check most of the time. But when I need her, she is *very* effective!
When my daughter was in junior high the boy behind her in school was pulling at the back of her bra. I had taught her to stand up for herself. She yelled, in a loud voice, "Get your hands off my bra! There was absolute silence for about 15 seconds. Then the teacher told the boy to go to the office...NOW! And she squatted down next to my daughter and told her she did the exact right thing. I was proud of both the teacher and my daughter.
In high school a boy tried to kiss me and i panicked. My parents made me practice yelling "Get your HANDS OFF ME!" I was so embarrassed. When i went to college, they taught me some street fighting moves my dad learned in the war. Where to hit, how to stomp, etc. Fortunately i never have had to use it, but it's there
How terrible that we live in a country so steeped in violence and predation that we have to teach our children martial arts to survive. But we do have to.
I's only in heavily Democrat controlled areas where you need tolerate or endure this crap. So why do YOU keep voting for Democrats ?
Rick, I was molested as a six-year-old child. Was I a democrat then?
You were molested THEN by Democrat excused, pardoned, released after 12+ previous cases, punks. Those punks are the politicians you vote for.
Evidence? You ask everyone else to provide it so you surely aren’t just shooting your mouth off.
You are a fool, sir.
Sit down Rick. I was r@ped in Iowa. You are a fool.
Funny, I grew up in IA, too. I'm so sorry that happened. Rick needs to shut the hell up.
Raped by WHOM ? Describe your predator in detail please. DETAIL.
That’s pretty sick, Rick. You get off on rape stories?
Here’s one: An American congressman told the world and the entire press corps that the president of the united states raped and threatened a child - and it’s a true story - and Trump hasn’t denied it - and Trump isn’t suing him , not taking him to court where he can prove it’s a lie.
Nonsense it’s world wide and children are sexually abused in every kind of setting rich and poor. Just try googling child abuse statistics for wherever you live.
Well said. It is everywhere
The right wing has a statistically higher incidence of violence than anyone else. No one but a Republican would make that statement without doing the research. Because facts make you too woke.
Incredibly dumb, and false.
Which part? What’s your evidence?
You're a rapist, Rick. Whether you're actually committed the act or not, it's in you, and you know it, and I know it. You're nothing but a sack of misplaced anger and deeply suppressed shameful sexual impulses, and you have to displace those feelings onto others -- Democrats, ugly women, etc. -- or they would drive you mad. Pitiful.
Hey, Ricky,
Do at least the minimum research before you shoot off your FOX mis-informed mouth. It’s called “Google”. Try it.
The US cities with the highest rape rate are in Alaska, Missouri, and South Dakota. The list goes on. Republican cities.
True, DC is Democrat, but the office of the most prolific sexual assaulter IN DC, Trump, is Republican.
Ricky, it’s better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
HUH?!? Rick, where’s your source (I don’t mean your ignorant mindset)? this is the stupidest, broad-brush comment I’ve heard in a while. Why don’t you go back to Truth Social where comments such as yours belong.
It was an Evangelical Christian Republican who molested kids in my neighborhood - and Republicans protected him, not the kids.
Of course you like to ignore the female teachers that rape underage boys.
Whataboutism : All rape is evil. It’s sick how few care about women or children being raped by men or women, instead they minimize it, try to justify it, and blame the victims. But regardless of gender, rape and pedophilia is evil.
You were a MS/HS teacher? You must be kidding. I certainly hope you're no longer teaching. Must be why you're now peddling "educational" materials, likely way overpriced or just trying to con people like your hero.
The data completely refutes the idea that sexual assault is a partisan issue. If you look at the American Statistical Association's national tracking, the single highest relative risk hotspot for reported rape in the entire country was found in a rural, 70%+ Republican jurisdiction (Marion County, TX) at nearly 20 times the national average.
Furthermore, at the state level, the two states that consistently trend at the top of the country for per-capita sexual assault rates are Alaska and South Dakota—both solidly Republican strongholds. Sexual violence is driven by geographic isolation, poverty, and law enforcement resource deficits, which exist independently of any county or state voting lines.
Rick, I was molested as a 7 year old. I doubt the abuser thought about my politics.
Politics? In this discussion? I need some help understanding that. I doubt there is a study or research on the political leaning of predators.
I'm curious how you got there. Or am I missing some sarcasm in the thread?
The author won't show you this:
https://night.channel/10-ways-female-sexual-predators-assault-men-and-boys/
Interesting read but says nothing about your polnt, how politics is part of this, or the premisee of the article on what predictors look for in a victim.
Bah.
How do you explain the accusations against Trump for molesting women then? What an idiotic thing to say. So stupid and ridiculous it’s almost funny. It’s people like you who are the problem with your country and indeed the rest of the world.
It's not this country. It's everywhere.
women batter men as often as the converse worldwide.
Kahala, I get what you mean. Unfortunately that violence is everywhere. After being to some foreign lands and since it is everywhere, I’m glad we are in a place where our girls can fight back. There is that to consider. I guess the old adage that we can't control others but we can control our actions to them rings true on this.
Some times they only understand an elbow to the throat.
I like your dad. I taught my girls where to strike too and how to get out of holds.
Maybe I’ve been lucky I’ve never been in a violent relationship, nor have I lived anywhere known to be very unsafe. And Australia has gun laws. Pedophilia and rape occur constantly however and make me very angry but I don’t have a personal PTSD fight flight freeze response so I can usually appraise a situation.
Four scenarios .I have longish blonde hair. A magnet in some countries.
Florence climbing up the spiral staircase in the cathedral. I am 21. An Italian guy comes up and pinches me. I turn round and tell him loudly in both English and my limited Italian. Don’t touch me! Get away! I turn around he pinches me again. I turn round and shove him down the stairs and shout, I told you, get away! He falls down a dozen stairs, hits the wall looking aggrieved and surprised. I walk on up the stairs onto a crowded platform.
Point: They have to believe you mean it!
Scenario two: In my 20s, 30s, 40s 50s and even 60s walking past construction sites. Wolf whistles. (They didn’t see I am no longer young!)
I get past them then turn around and face them. Thanks guys, I’ll take that as a compliment, but you need to know it’s not OK. Go home and tell your wife or girl friend, or your auntie she looks great today. That’s a real compliment. And for the rest it isn’t needed. Usually I got sorry mam, or some times jeez, just having fun, to which I said, yeah, fun for you maybe, but not the woman. It’s actually harassment
Then I’d de escalate and wave and walk on.
Point: these ordinary guys need education reinforced in situ.
Scenario 3 in India part of a group but not standing next to anyone. An Indian man sidles up. Don’t I know you from somewhere? I look at him coolly. I say, Maybe, but I haven’t been here for 600 years. He scurries off. I rejoin the group.
Point: derision sometimes works
Scenario: 4 In my seventies walking home at dusk 3km from home. I’m going to have to walk on the road rather than a bush trail. A pleasant looking older man towing a boat probably from its berth, drives up, and offers me a lift. I wish I could take him up on the offer but I say no, I thank him and explain I live very close (not strictly true) and say also, actually unfortunately, I don’t think it is safe for any woman to accept a lift from an unknown man. He smiles and says, No worries, have a good night.
Point: unfortunately, genuinely friendly, helpful guys, as I suspect he was, also have to be screened out.
And yes, teach children very young, (like three) my body belongs to me, tell a grown up if anyone touches you in a way they shouldn’t, not to walk alone (unfortunately), learn self defence skills or preferably a martial art and carry that piercing whistle nana gave you.
Yes, but you are missing the fact that that deaf old ladies also get attacked and sexually assaulted.
I’m aware of that. I did not say there was no risk!
do deaf old men also get attacked and sexually assaulted?
Attacked yes. I don’t think I’ve heard of older men, deaf or otherwise, being sexually assaulted but it could happen. I think the writer was trying to point out that women, particularly, are always at risk to some degree throughout their lives.
Yes. We all, unfortunately, have our stories. And we shouldn’t have to.
Not everyone can do these things. You obviously know that because you have written a dissertation on the topic. You shouldn’t need to do that and women shouldn’t have to live in a world of heightened alert. The behavioral change needs to come from the men. (I actually did some research on Australia for personal reasons and discovered what a high rate of abuse you women have to deal with.) I wasn’t criticizing your words, just hit “post” accidentally before my point was complete.
I just think everyone deserves to live without this asinine behavior (theirs, not ours). It sucks so much joy out of our lives to have to be constantly on high alert. Thé level of danger varies by community, but it’s the responsibility of everyone, especially the people who laugh at sexist jokes, encouraging the disrespect for women, to ward off the violence. There is a heavy load of violence in words, too.
I disagree. The behavior changes need to come from women AND men. Because men screen other men for being good targets or prey, even in their friend group. They push and see who pushes back (physically and verbally). Women need to display the same signals as men, that they are NOT worth pushing. Women signaling to women "don't mess with me" is read differently. Men signaling to men - likewise.
Men and women are different, but I do not want to dominate and control all males, just because females have the disadvantage on average for physical strength and less testosterone pushing us to compete for our territory and access to that territory's opposite sex. That would be immoral. The game of survival may be rigged in "their" favor, but we learn to play it better.
That's a perspective I think is missing, so I'm sharing. That's all.
97% of violent crimes are committed by men. Same with stalkers. Women die from domestic abuse far more often than men do and men get softer sentences from the (mostly male) judges. When we get mad at you we insult you. When you get mad at us you kill us. When we ask you to do better we you insist on sharing the responsibility. The one time we get to be equal.
I do insist we women share the social responsibility for our own survival. Do your part to defend yourself by understanding why you are targeted. Refusing to understand and take action, because it “isn’t fair” that I have to, is a privileged child’s game.
It took me a LONG time to learn to “Defend” myself against women. They were not violent, so I felt dishonorable cutting them down with words. Like men, I believed that if I was physically stronger than another woman, it was wrong of me to hit them when they deserved it - and it was dishonest of me to attack who they were as people with gossip or humiliation.
So the savvy female bullies found me an easy target. Because there was no “consequences” in “Girl world”, for destroying me. Ah, the art of destroying someone without lifting a finger….
I share this in hopes of conveying a different perspective that may help you, too. I point out the IMPERATIVE of women learning how to convey strength in an aggressive world (that among men, is more straightforward), to EMPOWER you. The flip side of responsibility is power.
I in NO WAY give men a free pass for what they do with their assertiveness and sex drive. I also however, know their tendency to destroy is human, shared by both male and female, and does not stem from their desire for women nor from their masculine muscles. We are not “Capitulating” to violent men; we are learning how to deter effectively, because men and women pick targets differently.
Yesterday’s local paper, to support your point.
I just think living with courtesy and respect for others and saying no and meaning it might assist quite a bit. Hormones are not an excuse for violence, including things that are minimised like the stepfather touching a young girls breasts, “accidentally,” the boss patting a woman’s buttocks as he passes, even the too casual use of sugar, baby, honey pie to associates. All demeaning. We have to get past the “boys will be boys,” and “did you see how she was dressed though” attitudes too. Those attitudes and behaviours need to be challenged by both men and women whenever we hear or see them, pleasantly and firmly.
Yes, exactly. Women should not have to live on alert all the time just to move through the world.
I think the article is powerful because it talks about what women may need to do in the moment, but the bigger change has to come from men and from the people around them who excuse the smaller things.
The jokes, the comments, the “just having fun” moments all matter. They teach people what is allowed.
Women should not have to lose so much ease and joy just to stay safe.
Thank you for sharing this. What stands out to me is how much girls and women are expected to learn how to read danger.
Is this harmless? Is this unsafe? Can I speak up? Should I walk away? Will he react?
That is a lot to carry.
I really agree with teaching children early that their body belongs to them. They should grow up knowing they are allowed to say no, loudly, without feeling like they are being rude.
I she but we have dinner other people to educate. A friend gorgeous biracial child at a university day care fascinated a classmate who wouldn't stop touching her hair. She asked him not to, she told him not to. Then she decked him. The reaction of three teacher and scool was to suspend her for a week and tell her parents she had an "anger problem" and needed counseling! Luckily her parents had different ideas and told them so in front of their daughter. I expect she's done just fine!
That child’s school needs some education on sexism and racism..glad her parents stood up for her.
Why so often does the victim get punished after being abused?
Yes, that’s the problem unfortunately.
I think a lot of prevention efforts focus on what happens after the fact. Serious violence or abuse happens, and then everyone starts asking questions about what went wrong or how behaviour can be changed.
But these smaller moments are exactly where we should be looking too.
What behaviour gets punished? What behaviour gets tolerated?
Especially at school, when children are still learning the norms and rules around how to treat each other with respect.
That’s right- use our power!!!
Use your power to go register for the military draft.
More women die in childbirth than men in wars fossil
Did my 20. They can't draft women until the Equal Rights Amendment extends full constitutional rights and protections. Can't draft property
I feel service should be universally mandatory, & that everyone who can serve, should serve, with this caveat: in some way. Almost everyone, whether disabled or objectors, can still serve in some capacity, & acquire skills in the process. Besides military, people can serve in parks, schools, offices, & young people will learn in the process. My father was in the Civilian Conservation Corps, a federal program during the Great Depression that hired young unemployed men to build many of the park facilities we enjoy today. Almost everyone can serve somehow.
I had a boy do the same thing to me in JH and my bra actually unsnapped! I was so humiliated! I got permission to go to the restroom to fix it. I didn't say a word, I wish I'd been as brave as your daughter! The boy ended up quitting school later, so that tells you what kind of person he was, and probably still is.
Unfortunately yes…probably still is. I was molested by a teacher at 13. Told “I” would get in trouble if I told anyone. Power wrongfully used is still power wrongfully used.
That's terrible!
It definitely affected the rest of my life.
I’m sorry you lived through that. Zihna. In New Zealand since the eighties you could have had free counselling following such abuse, and assistance to report your experiences to school authorities and the police. Since mandatory reporting of child abuse came in a decade later the perpetrator would have had police investigating as soon as a professional knew about it. Trouble for them not you.
This was 50 years ago. There was no protection for children back then. It was their word against ours. He was well respected and had tenure. It really messed me up for long time, though.
Perhaps, repairing your bra strap was the “greater wisdom” at the time. If the boys found out what they did their harassment could have “escalated” into a more dangerous “confrontation.” It is never “wise” to “second guess” your actions rather to resolve yourself to a more “appropriate” tactic in the future.
I think it might have been better to call it out, and be known by some of boys at least as “that little bitch” and be avoided. That kind of behaviour is normalised by the girl simply fixing her bra strap, unless of course the school culture is dangerous for instance being at risk of being set upon after school.
Yasssssss
I am a 68 yo chubby female. I have been told that I don't look 68. Still have auburn hair and a few wrinkles. The point I want to make is that looks, clothes, wealth have nothing to do with this topic. A 30 yo man in my apartment complex that I had said hello to a few times ask me one day if he could help with the groceries I was carrying. I said yes. When we got to my door, I unlocked it, opened it, set my packages down and turned to take the package that he was carrying. We were in the hallway not in my apartment. Instead of handing it to me, he pushed me into my apartment and grabbed me and started kissing me full on the lips with an open mouth. I immediately pushed him back into the hallway and told him to stay away from me. I saw him later in the day while I was walking my dogs. His first comment was to ask me how the kiss made me feel. All I could say was “violated” and I put my dogs between us and went the other way. Gross.
Ugh. Here you could have reported him for assault.
That's horrible!
It is terrible and I wrote it without emotions as if I were testifying in court. Scary.
Yes. It is.
I love this. She said exactly what was happening, clearly and loudly, and the teacher backed her up.
That part matters so much. Girls need to learn that speaking up is not “making a scene.” Sometimes it is simply telling the truth out loud. We need more of these people.
I used to mobilize my female students to do exactly that. I said they depend on your silence. They depend on your embarrassment and humiliation. Take the power back. Similar situation arose with a boys by asking a female student if she was cold while staring at her nipples. I said, if he ever does that again ask loudly why he is talking about your nipples in class. Say it multiple times and point. These werent unsafe situations. This wasnt even a boy who was dangerous except in terms of the sexist power dynamic he was playing at.
Absolutely
RESTACK
I am old. I no longer get cat-calls. However I am small in stature with white hair. When I walk I do so like I own the place, head up, long deliberate strides, very aware of my surroundings. I had a panhandler say some nasty things to me after refusing to give him money and I wheeled around on him and read him the riot act. He apologized and blessed me. Don’t act like a victim and you are less likely to be victimized. This is the crux of your essay and I believe it is reality. Thank you for this. You might save some women. 💪
Thanks for your insights, Janet. I completely agree: your outward display of confidence dictates how people treat you.
After 17 yrs in the army and 35 in the operating room I have a mouth on me that scares the bejesus outta the worst of men. I’m 127# and they don’t expect it don’t see it coming. Knocked some fucker out at the Topsfield fair bc he was abusing an animal ( llama ) by trying to pour beer down his throat. He didn’t see my punch coming and was out cold for About 15 min. When he started to get up on his hands and knees I kicked him in the ass that sent him sprawling. He crawled out of that children’s petting tent on hands and feet. Always remember to move fast and throw the first punch. Now I’m an ordained priest in the episcopal church but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Get the first lick in and you’ll be fine
Oh this comment 🤩🙌🏼 I feel like I want to sit down over a veryyy large cup of tea with you! It’s fucking brilliant!!
Thank you all! It happened so quickly everyone in that petting zoo tent was shocked, as was I. A 127# young woman 5’3” threw a punch that would have knocked out Mike Tyson. Animal and child abuse all in one tent.
Love this!!
Me too!!!👏
You're a heroine for all women.
I don’t know? Just did what any woman should do when they see jerks abusing animals. Sometimes it’s hard to speak up I know. But my reaction way pure instinct. I didn’t think about it first I just reacted with my body! Some of us can and some of us can’t.
I’m immediately following you.
Only if you can win. Otherwise use your brain and get out. I am more like you, most aren't, lets not get them killed
I agree! Mine was pure instinct ! No time to think and assess. No win or lose thinking. You’ll lose every fight if you think in those terms. Risk takes courage
Yes violence is the answer. Not.
Robin true…unfortunately for me my instinct blocked this outta my mind and I just reacted to this poor animal being assaulted. Don’t know if I’d do it again in my “right” mind😊😊😊😊😊
I mean, i’m reslly glad that you’re ok and that you could respond as the situation warranted. I just think we need to be really careful not to further cause harm to those who don’t have that instinct. I have always walked very purposefully. I’m 72 and single and strongly suspect this is one reason why i’m single “oh she looks like dont messwith her” and i’m just fine with that.
Great thinking! Hadn’t thought of it in that way! Thanks
Hell yes!
bravo!
I love this so much
Early in my AF career a fellow officer snuck up behind me and grabbed me around the waist. Slammed an elbow into his solar plexus and dropped him. Never looked back. Just kept walking. I taught them fear.
Haha Well done.
I’m so glad I’m old now and don’t get cat-called anymore. I used to give them the finger! Good for you for keeping up the confidence🙌💪
Yes, walk like Lady Danbury!
Gee this is something that happened when I was a kid at 24 yrs old. Now I’m old and grey but I’d still do it all over again. Just like I did with that roundhouse swing to the mouth. It’s as fresh in my mind as back then. The two things that push me to fighting mad are child abuse and animal abuse. I didn’t think anyone cared about old stories. Thank you all for your responses - not one putdown it really made my day❤️😊
Go grrrrl! I am right there with you.
I'm 85 yrs young but my stories involved 2 auto incidents, when I lived and drove a BMW in Seattle about 20, 25 years ago. The first time a driver cut me off from my left to enter a store's parking lot. So I followed the guy as he parked, got out, loudly criticized his bad driving and ended with, “What would your mother think?!“ He was speechless.
Next incident I was driving home in the right lane when a stopped car in the left lane suddenly pulled out in front of me. To avoid hitting the car, I yanked my steering wheel to the right, slammed on both the brakes and clutch to prevent crashing into a fire hydrant.
Caught my breath and went after the car, followed it to a nearby parking lot where it stopped and I got out in a shaking fury. Two guys heard my riot act, the driver kept quiet, the other offered me $20 which I refused.
I haven't had a car in 10 years, but was a great driver when I did. Not taking any guff from idiot male drivers felt good since they often denigrate women drivers.
The panhandlers. Sometimes they have weapons like knives. I avoid talking , say no thank you when they ask for $$, and just keep walking but i like your approach.
That’s right!
I had to look her up. Yes, that is a great role model. Maybe I’ll start referring to myself that way. Thank you. 😊
I love your story Liz. You are fierce!
Thank you, T.S. I will heed your advice. This happened right in front of a store with lots of light, with other people around. In a parking lot alone I might have behaved differently.
Thank you! I’m old now but it’s as fresh in my mind as when it happened in the 70’s. And I’d do it again!
I’d like to hang out with you. 😊
Whoa. "Don't act like a victim" is one very short step (if that) from "she asked for it."
Just maybe we should focus on "men shouldn't be assholes and predators."
Well said, act like you own the place.
Several years ago I had a man that seemed to show up when I was dog walking for a client. Really odd times. I ignored him.
One night it was getting dark. I had changed my route. There he was at a stop sign he saw me and turned around as if waiting. There was no reason to and walk towards me. I took my time hoping he would keep walking the other way. Instead he pretended the dog was leading him towards me. The dog I was walking was reactive. I was pissed. What the bleep are you doing?? I yelled at him. Can't you see my dog is upset! I was fuming. His eyes looked dead.
He mutterd I'm sorry and walked the other way
Heart was pounding shaking. I saw this man the next day online photo with his dog as a most wanted criminal in my area. They both matched description.
I called the police and reported. It was probably him they said.
I was thinking he could've killed me for yelling at him. I was so angry though. Maybe this saved me I don't know.
You kept your head. And surely saved many future victims. Great presence of mind!
Thanks, Sargi!
He wanted an easy target, not an unpredictable one. Your yelling threw him off and signaled that you were a fighter.
I think this is the key.. a timid, compliant person is predictable and therefore can be anticipated and controlled. So those that are trying to run a lopsided power dynamic on someone, need to have the other party be timid and predictable. If a woman goes unpredictable right off the bat, it causes them to drop their plan.
Just a theory there.
Years ago I had someone cut me off at 5am on my way to work. I honked at him and gave him the finger. The stupid bastard followed me to the convenience store I stopped at every morning on my way to work. I should explain that I am NEVER in a great mood at 5 in the morning and I do not put up with shit from anyone. This idiot followed me into the store and started screaming at me, telling me I was in the wrong and then he called me a “fucking stupid bitch”. That did it. I looked him dead in the eye and told him in the deepest voice I could muster but quietly, that if he didn’t leave immediately he WOULD BE LEAVING IN AN AMBULANCE! I obviously scared the crap out of him and he left in a hurry. Then suddenly one of the men I worked with appeared from behind a row of shelving and said “Jesus Christ Alexis, please don’t EVER turn that on me!”
I just looked at him and said “don’t give me a reason too”. I learned a long time go that when I got angry at men and let them know it in no uncertain terms they got scared!
And just for fun since he was driving a corporate vehicle where he should not have been anywhere near where he was, and considering the time of day it was obvious that he’d just been entertaining a Prostitute, so I called his boss, told him the story. Later that day I got a call from the owner telling me than not only had he been fired but he was now also up on charges of stealing a company vehicle since he apparently had no right to have it except during working hours.
Fuck around and find out is one of my mottos!
Excellent! Women have power! We don’t have to be victims
Well said, oh yeah, praise to that.
Love this story - and even more, a fellow Canadian with balls! Hats off to your gal.
Thanks for sharing that! You're a bad a**!
Thank you. Comes from working with men most of my life.
👍
That is a fantastic story. I say well done Alexis.
I want to ask the work colleague, “dude, wtf, you should be stepping in and help your workmate!”
I love the follow-up too. Karma
Two major events besides the obvious: That follow up worked out so well - you protected yourself and your sisters for keeping the streets safe , at least for a while. And the second thing was your response to your coworker who was using humor to minimize your fright and your power and to hide his shame at not coming to your aid. Brava!
Yes…
What if we stopped keeping the peace?
What if we quit apologizing for basic human emotions?
I never started doing either of those things. Just my nature. But my mother never thought I was very lady like. And I never gave one shit.
Men have walked away from man-hating feminists, and walked towards the growing number of women that respect and value men.
Thank you for spelling this out so clearly Maria! I'm 67 now and live in a very high crime area with lots of people who are homeless and on drugs. I'm not scared. I walk the neighborhood like I own the place. I pay attention. If someone is psychotic, I cross the street. Otherwise, don't mess with me is my attitude and I've never been attacked. (I don't go out when it's dark) I also treat everyone with kindness.
Me too! But I go out at dark if I need to
I’m nearly 75. I learned this in Aikido in my mid twenties. Acting unhinged is incredibly effective. Also, the willingness to gouge someone’s eyes out also needs to be programmed. Most women would be squeamish about doing such a thing, don’t be. I used psychocybernuetics, a very useful programming tool. Acting confidently also works. In Berkeley, many decades ago, a young crazy looking young man approached me as I was getting out of the car. He was holding a very large wrench and his hand and hair were bloodied. When you’re left with zero choices, always choose complete confidence. I rose up as tall as I could, all 5’4”, squared off looking him straight in the eye, no terror, no fear, complete confidence, he dropped the wrench, turned around and walked off. I was shocked, but it worked. I would have fought him with every breath I had.
My go-to old school weapon … a roll of quarters in a stocking - makes a killer bolo & gives you distance. Easy to carry in the bottom of even the smallest purses & totally legal. It’s just $10.
That's a good idea. But it's too bad they don't make purse-sized cans of Raid. That has a 25-foot radius.
Bear spray is incredibly effective, and shoots 30 feet.
Can’t carry bear spray on an airplane, doesn’t really fit in a cute little purse. Quarters are fine in any setting. 100% legal.
They do, it’s called pepper spray.
Wasp spray shoots quite a distance.
Can’t carry it in a purse or on a plane.
Love this. This—with crazy eyes— and an eerie laugh will be my revenge.
😆😆😆
They won’t know what hit ‘em. They don’t see it coming.
My great-uncle was a caboose man on the train back in the 1930's. He carried a blackjack for hobos - would knock them unconscious and roll them out the side of the boxcars. While I'm uncomfortable with his methods, I always remembered what he told me - a sharp blow at the base of the skull knocks them unconscious immediately without killing them. Of course you have to get behind them to do this with a blackjack, but a bolo might find its mark.
With a stocking bolo, you don’t have to be that accurate. A couple twirls, let it rip in the general direction, it’s invisible, anywhere it makes contact makes a real impact.
I’m glad this is being discussed more. Thank you. When I worked with sex offenders many years ago, many of the adult male offenders said exactly that. They chose victims who were distracted and those who had bad posture. They even described them as prey. It was disgusting.
I can verify that these things are true. I was told when I was a young woman to walk tall and make deliberate eye contact with men. If I passed by a group of men I would stand tall and give them a hard stare. That has worked throughout my life. I abhor bullies and if I see someone getting bullied I become enraged and scream at the bully/bullies to knock it off. Not one time have any of those men retaliated. They just stop and look at me like I might have rabies lol. All predators look for the weakest prey to reduce the risk for themselves.
As someone who has taught violence prevention & empowerment self-defense classes for over 20 years, I see it a bit more nuanced. It isn't necessarily rage that is needed; in fact, rage may shut down the thinking part of your brain so that you can't sort through options. This shutdown (mind goes blank--surely you have experienced this at one point in your life?) is a natural neurobiological response to intense feelings-fear, anger, stress, etc., and is a result of the amygdala, pre-frontal cortex, and Broca's area (speech area of the brain) going off line.
In addition, the freeze response, which occurs 70% of the time in sexual assault situations, is an evolutionary 'legacy response' that once served us well. Now, not so much--at least not all the time.
BUT having skills—both verbal and physical—that can override the natural "freeze response" or "rage" response is extremely helpful when you need to defend yourself. Practicing these skills so that they are "in the ready" is recommended, and research supports their efficacy in both deterring an attack and improving psychological well-being should an attack occur--all with no greater risk of injury to you. Furthermore, these skills have been shown to help people feel more confident in a variety of situations — not just in violence prevention scenarios.
So, what really deters an attack? Learning and practicing strong verbal and physical boundaries. What we know for sure is that predators don't want to get hurt or caught. Strong verbal and physical boundaries on the part of a potential "victim" increase the odds that one or both of those things might happen to the attacker. So they leave.
The crazy eyes work even better if you tilt your head back slightly so the sclera shows ABOVE the iris. Try it in the mirror; it looks absolutely psycho.
Barking like a dog whilst running and waving your arms works too.
Right! It sez fuk dat!!!!! My language is not as elegant as yours
I was an RA at the University of Georgia many years ago. We arrived at the dorms for training a week before our presidents would arrive and so I was alone on my basement floor. I took a shower—community bathrooms then—and when I turned and drew aside the shower curtain a skanky looking young man was standing there. “get the F**K out of my shower!” He turned and ran. It was the beginning of this young man peeping into girls showers. When the police finally caught him, he told them that he was upset because one girl swore at him and he’d never heard a girl use that kind of language before. Did I mention that I’m originally from New York?
😆
The whites of the eyes - Kash Patel 🤣
Very insightful! This may be why people don't bother me. I refer to my angry self as my "NY bitch twin." No one likes her, so I keep her in check most of the time. But when I need her, she is *very* effective!
Interesting research and insights. You always find the best studies. Lots to think about here!
Thanks, Karen! So happy to have connected with you.
Have you done an article on female teachers grooming and raping underage boys?
I have been saying that if more young women flipped out when men tell them to smile more, men might think twice before doing it again.
Bottom line, we need to be more feral. We all stand to benefit from men thinking we’re a little bit scary.